The 6 Types of Profile Pics and What They Mean


The ‘Amram’

Unless, you suffer the same mental illness that I do, right now you’re thinking “what is an Amram?” Well, according to my deficient mind, an “Amram” is a deliberately ugly profile pic. Y’know, making a funny, unattractive face. That’s probably because I follow the delightful Megan Amram on Twitter whose pic looks like this:


Now, a normal person would have said, “Oh, look, this person named Megan Amram is making a silly face.” But I just assumed Amram was hip Internet lingo. (She’s in L.A. and has many more followers than I, so I just assumed I was out of the loop.) It didn’t help that a friend of mine also used the term “Amram” in conversation — because apparently mental illness is contagious.

Anyway, what can we say about people who make deliberately ugly faces in profile pics? Shockingly nothing. Beautiful people make ugly faces because they can get away with it. Ugly people make ugly faces because then they look ugly just like an attractive person making an ugly face. Also, people who are neither ugly nor beautiful also make ugly faces sometimes to be funny and sometimes because they feel they’re not beautiful enough and haven’t mastered the three-fourths turn addressed earlier.

Take-Away Message: I don’t really have one. But I think it would be great if we all started calling deliberately ugly photos “Amrams,” because then I wouldn’t be alone in my stupidity. And if the Internet is good for one thing, it is sharing and spreading ignorance.

Watch the new HATE BY NUMBERS, where of the Black Eyed Peas recruits Britney Spears to make even worse music.

Also, be sure to follow Gladstone on Twitter and stay up-to-date on the latest regarding Notes from the Internet Apocalypse. And then there’s his website and Tumblr, too.

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