If you want to learn how to pick up girls, you’ve just hit the jackpot.
This group interview is chock full of expert advice from 32 of planet earth’s best dating coaches and pickup artists.
You’ll discover how to pick up girls in both the day and night time, with solutions to some of the most challenging situations you can imagine.
We had a lot of fun putting this interview together and would like to thank everyone who got involved! Be sure to visit the experts’ sites to learn how they can help you pick up more girls and get a girlfriend.
Before we jump straight into the 7 situations, I’ll give you my step-by-step method for picking up girls. It’s so simple you can start putting it into action immediately.
But first things first, it’s important we cover the core principles of pickup that form the foundation to all of this.
WARNING: This article is 18,000 words long. If you prefer video learning we recommend this video:
(It’s the best way to master pickup in a short space of time)
Ok lets get started!
The core principles
Meet women in relaxed social locations. Choose places you’d feel comfortable engaging in small talk with strangers. But more to the point, places you think women would feel comfortable being chatted up.
Unless you want to get rudely rejected, start with welcoming environments that allow natural conversation to flow – cafes, bars, clubs, house parties, sports events, and shopping centres are all great locations to find women to talk to.
And don’t limit yourself to the nightime. If you can pick up girls in bars and clubs there’s no reason you can’t get a girls number whilst ordering a flat white on your morning commute to work.
When you find a girl you want to approach, always assess the situation first. If she looks in a hurry or appears to be emotionably unavailable, respect her space.
Just like we all hate to be harassed by street sellers and charity collectors, observational awareness is important. If you interrupt someone in a fluster, don’t be surprised if you get face palmed.
Exude confidence at every step of the pick up. Women are primarily attracted to social power and confidence over everything. If you appear confident in your approach and be direct with your intentions you’ll have no problem picking up girls.
Obviously thats easier said than done! Chatting up girls can be the most nerve racking experiences imaginable. But girls know this. They know it takes balls.
So if you can learn to handle this pressure, and brazenly approach women like it’s no biggy, you are 90% of the way over the finish line. That’s how important confidence is.
And it’s not necessarily what you say, it’s more about your delivery. Confidence is largely perceived non verbally, so it’s important you communicate this through your body language and voice tonality.
Avoid closed off body language. It will only make a girl anxious and wanting to end the conversation. Don’t be like a deer caught in headlights!
Avoid crossing your arms and talking to the floor.
Chatting up women is supposed to be fun! By transferring over your positive emotions she’ll feel relaxed and enjoy the moment too.
To open up your body language – smile, hold a wide stance, and turn your body to face her when talking.
Voice tonality is important too. Try not to rap your words. Slowww everything right dowwwn, speak up to get her attention, and don’t mumble.
Also it really helps to work on your tones. No monotone robotic chat up lines. Practice on your highs and lows and accentuating words like you’re telling a story.
Be your genuine self. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not to impress a girl. Women are perceptive creatures and will smell a ‘fake’ a mile away. Instead be your best self. Radiate the positive qualities you possess because self assurance is sexy.
Being inauthentic always backfires. Telling a girl you’re a dolphin trainer by day and a black-belt Muay Thai fighter by night will inevitably have repercussions. If you end up dating and realising she’s your dream girl, you’re gonna have to fess up…
Don’t fear rejection. As confusing as gender roles appear to be in 2017, one thing with dating remains unchanged – it’s the man’s job to make the first move.
Whether you’re meeting a girl or going in for the kiss, YOU have to be the one pulling the trigger. It’s your duty as a man. You must be bold and prepared to put your neck on the line for women.
And with this you’ve got to expect to be rejected from time to time. It comes with the territory.
But it’s how you handle rejection that will define your success with picking up women. If you can bounce back from your failures, learn from your mistakes and keep practicing, you’ll slowly become desensitized to the fear of rejection and become unstoppable with women.
OK, so those are the five core concepts of whats involved. Now it’s time to give you a step-by-step breakdown of the process for picking up a girl. We’ll start with the approach and end with how you exchanging numbers.
How to pick up a girl
Use a simple opening line to get her attention. There is no need to over complicate things. In the time it takes to think up a clever pickup line, you’ll probably miss the golden opportunity to approach.
If you can’t think of anything to say on the spot, a simple “Hey” or “Hey, hows it going?” is all you need to start the conversation. But if possible, start with a situational opener.
An example of a situational opener (if it’s cold outside) would be saying something like “Where did you get that amazing coat? I need one of those, it’s freezing today”.
Never use pickup lines. They’re borderline sleazy and a girl will instantly know your intentions. The aim of the opener is simply is simply to grab her attention.
And adapt your opening line to the situation. Start with “Excuse me” if you approach a girl in the daytime. Women don’t expect to be chatted up during their daily routines. So it’s polite to start with “excuse me” to avoid alarming them.
Engage in lighthearted conversation. You’ve just met the girl so avoid asking serious questions like, “What do you do for work?”, “How many siblings do you have?” or get deep and discuss the meaning of life. Instead, try and keep the conversation fun.
You’ll be able to tell in a matter of seconds if your personalities click. So there is no need to straight up interogate a girl on her hobbies and interests in the hope of finding a connection.
Similarly to the opening line, keep your initial conversation simple and situational. For example if you’re talking to a girl at the train station, ask where she’s heading today.
Listen for the answer and build the conversation from there. If she replies to your question with “I’m heading to London”, try and think up something interesting or witty to say about London in reply. Rather than just “Oh cool….”.
Show your sense of humour. Enjoy the present and have fun with it. Laughter is the way to a woman’s heart, so if you can banter and joke around she’ll be extremely receptive to the idea of meeting up with you again.
If you ask a girl “Where are you heading?” and she replies with “Brighton” (a seaside town in the UK), you could reply with something like “What to sunbathe? You’ll freeze to death in this cold weather, you crazy girl”.
Another example is to reply to a serious question with a stupid answer. So if a girl asks what you do for work, reply with “I was put on this planet to find you, job done”.
A combination of tongue-and-cheek humour with self-depricating humour is a winning mix.
Be direct and honest about your intentions. Girls will respect you for it. Your honesty will show you have a backbone and are fearless in the face of rejection.
If you don’t tell her you’re sexually interested, she’ll start to wonder why you’re talking to her in the first place. Or worse, she’ll assume you just want to be friends.
Be honest with everything you say. Women want a man who stands up for what he believes in. If you don’t agree with what she says, challenge her.
Give her a genuine, specific compliment. Think of something she wouldn’t normally expect a guy to acknowledge about her. And MEAN it.
So rather than say something generic like “You’re gorgeous” instead say, “You have a really nice smile” or “I like your nose piercing…it suits you…they don’t on most girls”.
Backhanded compliments or ‘negging’ a girl also works well (like the nose piercing example above). It’s a great way to compliment a girl without putting her on a pedestal.
And above all make sure your compliment is non creepy or overtly sexual. Remember you’ve only just met. Telling a girl you think she’d look sexy in a bikini is a little overboard. Same goes for saying you couldn’t help but notice her tits.
Look for signs she likes you. Once you can read the cues of interest women subconsciously put out there, you can start to escalate sexually.
You need the reassurance a girl likes you before lunging in for the kiss. But never seek this reassurance verbally. It’s not cool to ask a girl “Is it OK if I kiss you?” You will break the spell of seduction.
Instead, learn to be observationally aware of the situation, pick up on the cues and know the right time to smoothly go in for the kiss.
Here are the common indicators of interest to look out for. As obvious as some may seem, it’s easy to forget when you’re in the moment:
- She holds eye contact with you from across the room
- She plays with her hair
- She laughs at all your jokes
- She playfully hits you on the shoulder
- She asks you a lot of questions
- She turns to face you and gives her full attention
- She leans in to hear you speak, rather than you leaning into her (in a noisy bar or night club setting)
- She touches one of her sensitive erogenous zones whilst talking – lips, neck, ears
But if a girl’s investment in the conversation is low – she’s not laughing at your jokes or giving you her full attention, then it’s probably best to end the conversation and walk away. Don’t waste your time. Just move on to the next girl
Ask for her number. As a way of ending the conversation on a high note. It’s better to cut the conversation short than drag it out. The aim is to leave her wanting more.
Say “It was great bumping into you, but I have to get going…. Let me get your number… it’d be cool to meet up again sometime”
Never leave the interaction empty handed. The ultimate goal of pick up is to ‘close the deal’ in whatever shape or form that may be.
Whether you exchange phone numbers, go in for the kiss or take a girl home with you, ultimately depends on the situation.
If you meet a girl at 8.50am in Starbucks on your morning commute to work, you’d settle for a quick number exchange. Versus meeting a girl in a nightclub, you’d want to make out and possibly take her home with you.
Whatever the situation, be upfront and honest about your intentions and stick to the seven step method above!
Picking up girls in 7 situations
Now that you have an easy to follow step-by-step method, it’s time to breakdown the 7 common situations you’re likely to encounter when picking up girls. On hand are 32 dating coaches to share their top tips!
Whether you’re on the street, the beach or up against 2 sets, large groups, or HB10s in a bar, this post has the answers.
Jump to one of 7 situations or your favourite dating coach using the quick links below. Alternatively, start scrolling!
#1 How to Pick Up Girls on the Street Tony D, Steve Jabba, Ross Jeffries, Chris Manak, Johnny Berba, Matt Artisan
#2 How to Pick Up a Girl Who’s With Friends on the Beach Johhny Wolf
#3 How to Pick Up a Girl Who’s in a Large Mixed Group At a Bar Clifford Lee, Jon Sinn, Derek Cajun, Jerry Tran, Black Dragon, Brian Burke, Josh Maverick
#4 How to Pick Up Girls When You’re Out With a Group of Guys Speer
#5 How to Pick Up a Girl in a Two Set Beckster, T, Pierce Rainy, Dylan Thrasher, DJ Fuji, Michael Valmont, Robbie K, Christian Anderson
#6 How to Pick Up an HB10 Bobby Rio, Tripp, Mehow
#7 How to Pick Up Girls on the Dance Floor Brad P, Josh M, Arash Dibazar, Nick Sparks, Nick Rogue, Greg K
NOTE: Responses listed in the order they were received in per situation.
How to Pick Up Girls on the Street
QUESTION: If you could just give 3 brief pointers to a student before he attempts to approach and pick up a girl in the street, what 3 pointers would you give him?
Tony D | Absolute Ability
1) 2 minute rule. Most guys worry far too much about “What to say.” The truth is, you don’t need to be a verbal ninja to pick up girls in the daytime. Instead of worrying about what to say, focus on staying in the interaction for two minutes. Talk about the weather, talk about your Xbox. Let go of the pressure of being a witty guy, and instead, focus on staying in the interaction for 2 minutes, even if you consider your conversation topics to be boring. Staying in is the only way to learn verbal game.
2) Watch your seeking rapport tonality. Most newbies have this annoying, upwards vocal inflection. It sounds like a beggar asking for change. “What are you doing today?” Instead, keep either a neutral rapport like you would use while talking to your best friend, or a breaking rapport, downwards inflection that sounds like your boss telling you to work faster. Either is better. Record yourself on your cellphone if you’re not sure what you sound like.
3) Quit making excuses. “She has headphones,” “She’s in a group,” “She’s on the phone,” “She’s in a women’s lingerie store.” When I teach a bootcamp no matter what the perceived difficulty, there is always a way to make it happen. Don’t let these little excuses and justifications stop you from meeting the girl of your dreams.
Tony D is a dating/lifestyle coach and the author of two popular books: A Thousand Tiny Failures – Memoirs of a Pickup Artist and I Hope It’s Sunny Out – a Guide to Meeting Women in the Daytime. Tony believes there is no one “method” to picking up girls, so custom designs his coaching programs to highlight his students’ natural advantages. Follow Tony on Twitter @TonyDAbsolute
Steve Jabba | Authentic PUA
1) Sort out the low hanging fruit and go for quick wins first.
Optimise your aesthetic – fashion, hair, grooming, and try to figure out your “style”. Peacock congruently in a way that you are comfortable with, but aim to stand out as much as possible. As a general rule of thumb you can’t go wrong with a really good leather jacket – most guys look great in one. You’ll want to aim for 2 peacocking items per outfit.
If you’re a bit vertically challenged then get boots / shoes with a good Cuban heel – usually max increase of 1.75 inches. Height increasing shoes also can make a big difference but (i) they are usually ugly and (ii) they fu*k up your feet and make you walk like you’ve got a banana stuck up your arse. Not good for swagger!
That takes care of 75% of it but longer term you’re aiming for a good diet, and definitely gym work. Not only does it improve posture but it also makes you look more aesthetic and (in my opinion) gives you that GRRRR masculine aggression which is a good thing.
This is common sense advice but you’d be amazed how many guys I meet who don’t take it.
2) Do not overthink it. I see this a lot. Don’t try and “plan out” the interaction. Have maybe 2 – 3 openers ready – simple ones – and focus your attention on (i) conveying your interest to her in a no nonsense way and (ii) giving her a specific compliment when you talk to her. NOT A ROTE ONE!
When you walk up to talk to her, you’re optimum state is to have a clear mind, not thinking about anything and focussing instead on her body, her ass, just appreciate her feminity, her beauty. Don’t think about it, let it flow through you and something that you love about her look / voice / vibe will pop into your head when you talk to her. Say what pops into your head, without censoring it, tell her what you like about her. Focus on that.
The first 30 seconds are the most difficult. If you can get past that then you are on your way.
Do not worry about what to say – focus on the above. Pauses and silences are actually good if you are comfortable with it and don’t rush to fill them.
Remember if she likes you on some level, she won’t make it difficult – she’ll help you along.
Pro tip : If you’re starting to panic – ask her a basic, low key question like “so what you up to”…Then you can say something like “well do you mind if I walk with you” – and gently start to lead her by a light touch on the arm and begin walking…The social pressure just drops instantly if you’re walking side by side as opposed to standing stock still in the street. You can do this simple little trick even after 30 seconds – 1 minute.
3) Don’t expect perfection, don’t put pressure on yourself. By its nature it can be a little awkward at first. It’s not rocket science though, and she won’t be judging you on your “performance”. I’ve used that word deliberately – because you don’t want to be performing. What you’re aiming for is creating that flow of sexual intrigue / interest between man and a woman. What you say – the content – isn’t really too important. She will forgive moments of awkwardness – infact in some ways a little bit of awkwardness is good because you don’t want to seem like you do it day in day out with 100s of “sets”. It doesn’t work that way.
Be realistic – you won’t get every girl. Things happen that will frustrate you. “Rejection” is normal. But…sometimes the stars align and you can meet a girl and be in bed with her in less than an hour..it blows your mind and makes it all worth it in the end.
Steve Jabba is a natural PUA and master of day game. He teaches men to be direct and put their real personality out there rather than using a mixture of canned routines. Steve’s natural approach to pick up has influenced many of the world’s top PUAs, including Richard La Ruina, who described him as the “best guy I have ever seen gaming”. Check out Steve’s Home Study System where you’ll learn to game like a natural and don’t forget to subscribe to his YouTube channel.
WARNING: This is a LOOOOOONG article. If you prefer video learning we recommend this video:
(You can master pickup in time for your next night out)
Ross Jeffries | Speed Seduction
We interviewed Ross about picking up girls on the street via Skype. Here’s the transcript:
Pickup Metrics: If for example you were going to take me to the streets of LA right now and we saw some hot girls walking along the street, how would you advise I go and approach them and get their number?
Ross Jeffries: Well, I wouldn’t do any of that, what I would do first is work with you. I would assess you to see what your current skill set is. Each student I work with personally when I do that, I’m not cheap but I guarantee my work, I think I’m the only person who does.
I’d create a state where you’re grounded in your body and you’re outwardly focussing your attention and you’re playful. Rather than having to get a result you’re perfectly fine and playful whether or not you get the results you want. And I’d also show you how to handle any kind of approach anxiety. So first thing I’d do is make sure you’re in the right state.
The second thing I’d do is show you how to make sure we’d do what I call a “Bail Out Anchor”, which means if you’re in the field and you start to collapse again I would show you something to do to get back in the state.
I also want to change your metaphor. The idea of approaching someone. I don’t like that metaphor, because it implies that you’re going up to them somehow and when you say “walk up” it implies something, it eliminates the possibility of walking beside someone or talking to someone who happens to be in a coffee shop. I don’t like the metaphor. It’s a bad metaphor.
I just would prefer to think of it as engaging people in a fun way. So, having said all of that, there are a couple of basic approaches that we can use. Oh and there’s one more thing I want to point out – the idea that you wanna get the phone number. This is a common, a huge mistake and the mistake is that guys are aiming for the behaviours they want with women. They want to get the behaviour of “hey give me your phone number”. Well you can walk up to someone and hold a gun to her head and say “give me your phone number or you’re dead” – You got the phone number but did you get your outcome?
So what you really want to do is not get a phone number. You want to create states of intrigue and fascination and curiosity and leaving her and having her hungry for more. Once you do that the phone number becomes secondary.
You know I’ve had situations where I’ve talked to women who were sitting at the bar at a hotel and they’re in town for just the night and I’m not gonna get their phone number, they wanna go upstairs.
One of the things I teach in Speed Seduction and the things that I think the other morons out there aren’t getting is they’re too focussed on the behaviour. In my experience coming from a background of NLP and Ericsoniun hypnosis, my approach is to say, “wait a minute”, first think about the states of mind and the emotions you want that woman feeling, and how you can create them.
Initially I would help you to create states of curiosity and intrigue and playfulness. In that first five to ten minutes you wanna get her curious, you wanna get her intrigued, you wanna get some playfulness and some comfort and a little bit of sexual tension.