Birthday Skype Dates With Your Birth Mom

This post was originally written for Mom It Forward on August 29, 2012. In case you missed it, I wanted to post it here too. In light of what our family has been working through the last few months, focusing on something amazing (like the relationships we and especially the boys have with their birth mothers) is really refreshing.

Tyson Skyping with his birth mom on his bed in his room. I have no idea what they talked about, but they were chatting before and after I got out of the shower. I love that they have their own relationship and carry on their own conversation.

We don’t just Skype with the boys’ birth moms of their birth days …sometimes we do it just because we miss them and we want to see their faces. Sometimes they request a little computer time. Sometimes the boys are jumping out of their skin to chat with their birth moms about something, give them a tour of their new room or talk about starting school. I love it and I encourage it. I firmly believe we are stronger when we know where we come from–adopted or not.

Although Gavin had not has his birthday when I originally wrote this post for Mom It Forward, he had a fun little Skype cupcake date with his birth mom on his birthday–their special day together.


Family traditions are a big deal in this household.

My husband and I suffer from infertility and adding children to our family has been extremely difficult. We have two little boys who found their way into our family through the absolute miracle of adoption.

We celebrate open adoption in our family and consider the boys’ biological families our own. One of the traditions we recently started as the boys have gotten older is having a Skype lunch date with their birth mothers on their birthdays.

I believe birthdays are a special and unique celebration between child and biological parents. It’s their special day together. Even though the we live far away from the birth mothers of our kiddos, we make an effort to stay in close, tender contact.

When my oldest son turned 5, we arranged for a lunch date with his birth mom via Skype. They sat and ate together, chatted about what a fun day he was having, enjoyed a food they both love and had a grand time. All I did was set it up, they did the rest because they have a fabulous relationship.

It’s just one way or tradition we have to honor our son’s roots and celebrate family.

Lindsey Redfern writes about infertility, adoption and celebrating family at The R House. An open adoption advocate, she and two best friends created The R House Couture–a boutique of handmade sterling silver keepsakes. She and her husband own an adoption consulting firm called The R House Adoption Consultants. Although she’s lived in her beloved state of Utah since 1997, she still considers herself a Virginian, where she was raised. She and her house of boys love anything to do with trains, Star Wars and BYU football.

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